Saturday, February 11, 2006

Putting myself back together

It sounds so cliche, but I feel like I'm in so many different pieces right now and I just don't seem to be able to put myself back together. I'm so scattered and worn and I've even fallen off the Artist Way bandwagon (gasp!). I can't seem to get back on. I've just let things slide.

Michelle had this quote on her blog the other day and it got to the core of what I'm feeling lately. Sorry to reprint it in its entirety from her blog, but it's too good not to.

Life is messy. We are juggling our balls of grocery lists and birthday cards to send, e-mails to write and appointments to reschedule, keeping them moving in the air. We are all carrying so many things in our life, and inside ourselves. Often it feels there is no place to put them down. Where do you place the questions you carry? The sadness and the epiphanies? The quite worries? Where can you put down the truth, as messy and new and raw as it sometimes feels? Where are your colors? I believe we must create what we most need to find...We have to make room for our life in progress...Trust the mess and the not knowing. This is the real part, the most interesting part...As women we must be heard along the way. We must share how it really feels, what we know but cant place. We must take a deep breath and let go....Trust the mess. Trust yourself. Leave ripples. (Sabrina Ward Harrison, The True and the Questions)

Oh boy does it get messy sometimes! We say things we don't mean to say or come across as something other than our authentic selves. I went scrapbooking with a friend last night. I was thrilled to get my entire All in One Day album done of all the pictures I took in a single day the other week. However, we got into a venting session with each other and afterward I just felt bad about it. I don't like airing out my dirty laundry. It makes me feel vulnerable and self absorbed. I need more places to put these things. I find myself needing to create every night now after the kids are to bed, just because I have so much to get out.

This week I will try to get back to the Artist's Way. I find myself a mess since I've left. So why do I continue to ignore it??


ym said...

'I find myself a mess since I've left. So why do I continue to ignore it??'

Sounds familiar.
Everytime I let the AW slip away a little bit I have this same feeling... I didn't find an answer on 'your' question that I asked myself as well.
But what I do know is that I want to go on and when I do, the messy feeling instantly disappears.
Probably a subject to write about in the morningpages?
I'm sure this will pass!

Quote from chapter 3:
'It's my experience that this is the case. I have learned, as a rule of thumb, never to ask whether you can do something. Say, instead, that you are doing it. Then fasten your seat belt. The most remarkable things follow.'

Leah said...

you are doing it. perhaps your experience this week was simply to help you see how important it is to commit this time and energy to yourself.

we are not perfect, we are human. last week is over, start fresh with this one and let the pieces draw back together like magnets to a fridge. :-)

Frivolitea said...

Maybe you are going through a time of growth. I always feel a bit shaken up when I am faced with a time of growth. It takes a little while to regain balance. --Thinking of you. Best.